First we have Michael Bay’s Transformers, just hearing the word Transformers make me depressed now. I’ll admit that when I first saw the previews I said to myself this movie is going to be kick ass. I am the first to admit that I was completely wrong. First off do I even need to complain about Shia LaDouche’s acting or is it a given that he is horrible in these movies. Now when I think Transformers from the TV show I think Optimus and Megatron, not fucking Sam Witwicky. So anyway they pretty much succeed in making Optimus a complete bitch. Then we have Megatron who I thought would be my saving grace within the first 30 min I said well if Megatron is cool then I’m happy. So what does this movie do it doesn’t have Megatron in it until the last FUCKING 20 min of the movie. Not only that he gets killed by that douchemeister Sam. AND WHERE WAS THE FUCKING GUN that Megatron turns into on the show. I’m not going to even mention the second movie which succeeded in making Optimus even more of a prissy bitch and had guess what even more Sam Wooooo fucking whoooo.
Next we have the dragon ball live-action movie, 5 words that should never ever ever ever ever be mentioned together in front of me again as it causes me to projectile vomit. When I first heard the casting for Goku I already knew this movie was fucked. And then they do something that pretty much instantly made my blood pressure rise which was the release of this character.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???? Are you telling me that this is supposed to be Piccolo. I honestly thought it was just James Marsters in a huge green condom with bondage gear over it. Ok I’m gonna put these together.
….you know what fuck this next movie.
No people that isn’t a picture from the wrong movie this is G.I. Joe. A “Real” American Hero, who can DODGE A FUCKING MISSILE. If you wanted to make a movie about a special unit who has missile dodging suit why didn’t you just make up your own shit. Instead of fucking up yet another of my childhood memories.
Thanks for the giant middle finger that you gave me by making these abominations Hollywood. Now excuse me as I try to repress ever having seen these movies.
right on. i watched gi-joe every afternoon afterschool and was very upset by the movie trailers. they totally effed up the care bears too - did you know they actually changed the gender for funshine bear and introduced a bunch of new lame bears, like oopsy. wtf?
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