Comic Book Movie Sucktations Part 1

Lately there has been a resurgence of popularity in Comic books and as a result we have seen a spike in comic book film adaptations. This has given us some great films such as Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Iron Man, Etc. However we have also seen some shit-tacular movies such as Spider-man 3, Daredevil, and Elektra. In the first installment of Comic book movie sucktations I will review the dreaded Spider-man 3.

Now Spider-man 3 started off alright, we had Sandman, and Harry Osbourne trying to get revenge on Spider-man. Then all of a sudden the shit hit the fan when the symbiote merges with his costume. What should have been the best part of the movie was turned to shit. Now let’s just stop here a second. This movie goes from the comic book black suit which makes spider-man pretty much a stronger, more badass version of himself, to the movie version which yeah kinda makes him stronger but it’s most noticeable change is that it makes him act like a 7-year old whiny emo bitch. Oh and let’s not forget the dancing and his pretty much being a bag O’ douchearama. This is the part of the movie where we get such acting gems as “ Your Trash, Brock”…or the wonderful dancing down a Manhattan street to buy a suit. The only way to still be entertained by this movie at this point is if you have started to play a drinking game I like to call “Peter whines, Pour more moonshine” The rules are simple every time Peter whines, or should I just say delivers a line because let’s be honest he’s whining the whole movie, you drink a shot. Let’s not forget the part where Peter hits MJ in the face after doing what, dancing some more. Of course what else would you expect from a fucking Comic book movie but dancing.

The only reason I stayed to watch the rest this movie is to see Venom, who is one of the most badass villains in the Marvel Universe. How could anyone possibly fuck up Venom?…They fucking did it. They turned Venom into a fucking joke. Okay so he kidnaps MJ, remind you of anything. That’s right the first 2 fucking movies. Let’s use our brains a second here. First movie Green Goblin kidnaps MJ what happens, he dies. Second movie Dr. Octopus kidnaps MJ what happened, he dies. So we can already see where this is leading. Venom dies…after being in the movie for how long 20 fucking minutes you kill one of Spider-man’s biggest enemies. Sandman was in this movie longer than Venom. What the fuck? All in all I would rather watch The View for 24 hours straight than watch Spider-man 3 again.